The long white cloud

05/06/06

2006-06-06T23:49:00.000-07:00

Another trip up to the Hunuas regional park and another brush with the pig-hunters (you may recall that we met some hunters the last time we were there). This time the hunters had caught a pig. I asked to see it (when in Rome ?) and one of the hunters gleefully obliged, except it wasn't the whole pig just it's severed head. I had assumed that these guys caught the pigs as a source of food, and for me at least, it gave the barbarity a figleaf of acceptability. But no, the guy explained that they couldn't eat the meat due to it being tainted by DOC rodent poison (truly the unspeakable in pursuit of the inedible).

You may recall the allblacks handbag story from last week or as I like to call it the "Umaga handbagga clubber clobber shocker". Well, in true wharholesque fashion, the handbag got it's 10 minutes of fame (considerably longer actually) and was purchased on trademe (think NZ Ebay), for over 20,000 dollars ( incidentally the bidding had got up to over 100 million dollars through some mischievous bidding )

Now about this big football competition that is starting in the next few days. It is most odd viewing the build-up from another country. To be sure they are very keen on football over here, and the TV coverage is superb (every single game is being shown live and each game is being replayed). But there is no world cup hysteria of the sort witnessed in Blighty. England is still the team of choice for most Kiwis and certainly the bulk of the build-up coverage probably mentions them more than any other team. However, there is no sense of hysteria, so much so that for the first time in probably 20 years I can watch a world cup with relative objectivity about England's chances. And from where I am sitting the emperor has got no clothes on and his arse is pretty much blowing in the breeze ( my prediction - out in the quarters to Holland/Portugal/Argentina , with Beckham given a red card *).

And while on the subject of footy, have started playing for a new team. There is only half a season left and so I decided to play for an over 35's team thinking that I could ease myself back into the fray by playing with a bunch of fogies. What a mistake ! These guys are division one and really good. The first game I played they were 5-0 up at half time, and were probably good enough to beat Scotland (no major boast I realize).

* I reserve the right to rejoin the frenzied mob without prior notice, should England indeed proceed beyond the quarters

25/05/06

2006-05-29T04:02:00.000-07:00

This week the gaffer and I have been trying to get more into the kiwi way of life, and so decided to settle down and watch the super 14 final. Which is identical to the FA cup final, except that the ball and the goal posts are the wrong shape and the ref never seems to spot that there are too many people on the pitch or that half of them are committing hand-ball. Still, despite that , we decided to watch like “real” kiwis and pinned our colours firmly to the mast of the Wellington Hurricanes (go “Canes !”). The reason that they garnered our support as opposed to the Christchurch Crusaders (boo!), was for the entirely sportsfan fickle reason of being from the North Island , and being the underdogs. But the whole thing turned into high farce anyway, because an hour before kick off a thick pea souper fell over the whole ground reducing visibility to about three feet. But instead of sensibly calling the match off, in that typically stoic kiwi fashion they just played on, making for an all-round comic affair. The close-up action the cameras could just about deal with, as could the commentators. Hoowever, on the long-shots (the bulk of the coverage), the commentators just repated for an hour and a half, that they could not see anything, and towards the end simply started speculating as to what was happening on the pitch. At half-time much of the crowd left the game to go and watch it down the pub, so that they could at least see the close-up shots. Anyways, the Canes lost, the Crusaders (Aders ?) won, and to add even more mirth to the event, the newspapers reported the following day that the Canes were involved in some sort of bust-up in a nightclub , that resulted in former all black captain Tana Umaga , hitting one of his berserk colleagues with a woman’s handbag, after the bloke had punched another night-clubber in the face. And after this sternest of reprimands from Umaga the guy promptly burst into tears (quite literally handbags).

We have recently discovered that the house seems to have been infested with some sort of mite (and no that's not a thinly veiled attempt to deter visitors). Either fleas or bed bugs, we are not sure which. But I appear to be their food of choice, and most mornings I wake up with some bites on my person, whilst the gaffer on the whole appears to be escaping unscathed. I have started researching the whole thing on the internet in order to formulate my plan of attack (do you know how much stuff there is out there, regarding flea infestation ?). I am a bit reticent to have the whole house fumigated - though it’s definitely an option - mainly because of my asthma and the fact that we would have to vacate the place for 24 hours. Instead I have decided to set up a flea trap (cunning eh?). Basically it involves suspending a lightbulb over a shallow dish of water, the idea being that the fleas jump towards the light and then fall in the dish and drown. No really. Apparently some people swear by this, so what the heck I will give it a go. Will keep you posted, I know you are all intrigued..

Two big stories here at the moment. The first is the queen’s 80th birthday. Whereas over in the UK any mention of a royal event triggers calls for an end to the royal family and various impromptu vox pox that reveal our indifference to Liz et al, over here it’s really quite different. People see her as a genuinely important person and (inter)national treasure and seem to get all misty eyed at the thought of her having aged yet another year. Personally I feel that this has more to do with the extra public holiday that they receive, rather than any genuine sense of patriotism.

The other big story here is about New Zealander Mark Inglis, who became the first double amputee to reach the summit of Mount Everest on prosthetic legs. I am not sure whether the story has reached the UK, but in a nutshell Inglis and his party discovered a dying British climber David Sharp at the death zone of Everest (over 8000m) and left him there and continued their journey. The story was not meant to end in this ignoble fashion. Inglis , whatever you think about him, is a quite remarkable character. A picture in the Star Sunday Times, showed him shortly after the Everest expedition sat in a hospital bed , four of his finger tips were jet black with frostbite (all but one will almost certainly be amputated ) and with further signs of blackness along the stumps of his legs. He is considered something of a national icon and has worked tirelessly for charity since he and a colleague both lost their legs to frostbite on Mount Cook almost 20 years ago. The ascent of Everest just being his latest in a long list of achievements. The abandonment of the climber on the mountain however, appears to have changed the way the NZ public now perceives him. The story would possibly have blown over, except that Sir Ed, voiced his disgust at the action of Inglis’s party (for a completely different perspective on this BTW, click here). Hilary , not for the first time has been voted the most trustworthy person in NZ, and is pretty much considered royalty over here, and a condemnation from him - together with the recent rescue of another climber Lincoln Hall - could have serious implications for Inglis who is heavily reliant on sponsorship deals.

11/05/06

2006-05-07T14:49:00.000-07:00

One of the nice things about living in Auckland is the plethora of beautiful regional parks all within a relatively short drive. The gaffer and I have been checking out some of these at the weekends and they are truly wonderful places. You can hike anything from 20 minutes to 8 hours in some of the bigger parks, or you can go camping,mountain biking,fishing etc. In fact, during our visit to the Hunua park, we saw two guys with huge knifes stuffed down their belts and about 5 very tough looking dogs each wearing a tracking collar, these guys were out hunting wild boar and although resembling extras from Southern Comfort, they were most polite in asking if we had seen any pigs.

The gaffer and I have been toying with the idea of learning to ski. Although the bulk of skiing in New Zealand is on the South Island, good skiing is also available at the no-frills central North Island resort of Mt Ruapehu . With this in mind, we decided to give the indoor skiing a try, though we weren't really expecting that much. And so we found ourselves at Snow planet on the North Shore of Auckland, and although the gaffer was much better than me (she was allowed on the adults slope unsupervised after only a couple of hours), we both thoroughly enjoyed the experience. Although I have to say if the real thing is anything like the indoor variety, you shouldn't go skiing unless you are prepared to make a fool of yourself. I cannot remember the last time my male ego took such a beating.

Well we are approaching winter now, and it is definitely getting colder. Oddly - I have mentioned this before I know - they are not big on central heating over here. Which takes a bit of getting used to. It's not just that they don't have it in domestic dwellings, they don't tend to have it in municipal buildings or business premises. So schools, gyms etc don't have it either. I know this because my "Chinese for beginners" class on a Monday evening takes place in a perfectly modern classroom, furnished with all of the latest gadgets and gizmos, all of which I would gladly swap for a single radiator !

I have been put in charge of the sheep for the next few weeks (being man of the house n'all). Which sounds like a lofty appointment, but basically means keeping an eye on the amount of grass in the paddock and moving the little blighters if they have cleaned it out. Today was the first time I had to do this, so I enlisted the aid of the gaffer to hold open the gate whilst I rounded them up. A quick head-count revealed that one of my flock was missing, and like any good shepherd I began an immediate search. I must admit that I was slightly concerned and hoped that nothing untoward had happened to it, as you may recall from earlier posts, my reputation as a "real" country man has been sullied by some regrettable incidents. The temporary shepherds job was a means of redeeming myself, so to lose one of the "girls" on my watch would have been disastrous. I found the blighter, it had poked it's head through the bars of the wooden fence and then through a second metal fence, and was stuck fast. After much pulling and tugging and baahing, I realized that this was a predicament that called for more than simple pulling and tugging and baahing. I decided that the only practical solution was to cut the metal fence on either side with my hacksaw , carefully bend the remaining metal avoiding any contact with the sheep's eyes, then simply rotate the sheep through 90 degrees and with a swift push-down and lift up motion raise it's head over the bent metal and secure it's release. The gaffer suggested pushing the metal fence forward so the sheep had more clearance to pull it's head out. Which although admittedly freed the sheep, I feel lacked the panache of the original plan.

04/05/06

2006-05-04T00:22:00.000-07:00

No more stories of country critters to enthral you with this week. However, I did think it worth mentioning just how different things can be in another part of the world, and how rapidly they seem to become the norm. For instance, our house is not connected to the public sewer system, not surprising really as we are out in the country. All sewerage is in-house - or outdoors more precisely - as properties tend to have their own processing plants in the garden. This has been working like a charm since we moved in, but in the last few weeks the alarm has been going off, indicating that something was wrong with the processing unit. As it turns out the filter just needed cleaning , and being "the man of the property" (as Wendy keeps calling me...) it was my responsibility to see to it. Actually as I am fascinated by anything remotely bazalgettesque, ,I quite enjoyed it. But my point is that being a part-time sewerage maintenance man now seems perfectly normal to me. Also, we have no mains water (again not surprisingly). Water is collected in a butt, at the side of the house directly from the roof. When we first moved in it seemed strange that the water was not treated in any way, surely the roof would get dirty wouldn't it ? But again, it seems perfectly normal now, and neither myself or the gaffer have had the two-bob bits since we have been here. I have even put off buying a water filter as I am starting to think that it may actually be beneficial in keeping my immune system on it's toes. Although , it must be said that sometimes things do go awry, last month there were a couple of deaths in an outbreak of legionnaires disease , in the next village (although that is nearly always related to air conditioning/ hot water systems, and not water-tanks as the scaremongers of the press tried to suggest !!)

We have had our first tsunami alert, since we have been here. It was nowhere near where we are, it was down at Hawkes Bay or more precisely Gisborne, but it was still pretty exciting. Where we are located it would have to be an awfully big tsunami to reach us, we are only about 1k from the coast on a hill and buffered by a series of islands, including the very long Waiheke island. This has been quite a big story in the news over here and the media has also taken a lot of interest in the going's on with the Labour party over in the UK, especially the woes of Charles Clarke and Prezza. I was watching the news the other night and almost choked on my dinner (porterhouse steak, well done, plenty of caramelised onions). Picture the scene, the in-studio news reader on NZ national TV is speaking with the on-location reporter in London about the crisis surrounding the Blair government. She inquired as to how much trouble Charles Clarke was in over the foreign prisoner crisis, and the reporter gave an extremely professional and erudite summary of the story, so far so good. And then she went on to say, "and if that wasn't bad enough we hear that the deputy prime minister is also in trouble, surely a politician of his seniority could further threaten Mr Blair's premiership ?". Now the reply that came was of such a beautifully honest and accurate nature , that I only hope I live long enough to hear Andrew Marr deliver something similar on the BBC, he said.. "Oh no, Prescott doesn't have any REAL power you know? He is just a fig leaf for Old Labour. No, to be clear, he is just a fat old bloke who has been caught shagging his secretary, the Charles Clarke drama is the real story in London..."

22/04/06

2006-04-23T02:44:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since my last post, my tardiness is inexcusable, I apologise. Not that I kid myself that I have a captive audience of rapt readers you understand, I don’t think that there are hordes of you out there slavering in anticipation of my next epistle. However, some of you have requested that I do continue (whether this is due to morbid curiosity or a misplaced sense of encouragement , I am not sure).

Since I last wrote, we have been settling more into the Kiwi way of life. The weather here is milder than the UK - so far anyway - , and we have been told that even in the ‘depths’ of winter, it is unusual to drop below 10 degrees. Which is just as well as – like a lot of dwelling in NZ -there is no central heating. Lisa has started work at Middlemore hospital, and I am working from home in my fab new office. I don’t know if I mentioned it but the cottage came with an outside building, which I have converted into an office, stuffing it full of computer bits and bobs, plus a few scraps of sad looking LFC paraphernalia. Sounds great (doesn’t it ?), but it hasn’t been all plain sailing. Getting broadband installed has been a bit of a nightmare, NZ are still a bit behind the rest of the developed world on this front, and it has caused much consternation in parliament with even the PM Helen Clark threatening in a very Blairesque way “to do something about it”. I’m on my third modem now, and I have a monthly download limit of 1Gb, I’ll stop now.

Our landlady Wendy is a top bird, old school, tough and all “Stuff and nonsense”, but a very big heart never-the-less. We like her a lot. She has a beautiful old Kiwi Villa at the top of the farm and we have the cottage down the lane. I think she saw it early on as her duty to toughen me up into the country ways of doing things, and feel that I am already a bitter disappointment to her. She happened to mention early on that that the previous tenant had killed one of her sheep as it was sick, as she didn’t have the strength herself to cut it’s throat. I think she detected the look of revulsion on my face and inquired whether I too would be prepared to cut a sheep’s throat if I had to. My suggestion - and I would like to think reasonable compromise - was to get a little man in from the village to do it , was met with uncommon dismay. My card was marked further when we discovered that we had an unwanted lodger in the form of a field mouse. My confession that I caught the mouse in a humane mousetrap and then drove 10 miles to the nearest wildlife reserve to release it - No I couldn’t release it in the fields behind the house, there is poison bait everywhere !!! – only served to further cement my reputation as a “pommy pufta”. I think I may have redeemed myself a little though, during dinner at Wendy’s house I happened to mention in a no-big-thing sort of way I had run over and killed a possum on the way home from the pub. I thought I saw a change in my landlady’s eyes as I nonchalantly described my heroic encounter. I thought it best not to mention the fact that I drove shakily back to where the deed occurred to make sure the thing wasn’t suffering and in need of a coup-de-gras.

TV here is bad , and I mean really bad. It’s only when you see TV in other countries you realize just how good the BBC is. It’s not just that they have 3 minute ad breaks every 8-10 minutes, but most of the TV is US and UK low-brow stuff. But to be fair to NZ, we didn’t really come here for their exemplary TV schedule. And anyway we have Sky , which as we all know is nothing but good television. I still manage to get to see premiership football , usually highlights and also live champions league games, and I have occasionally got up at 4am to watch the FA cup or Sunday games. And to all you blokes who think Andy Gray and John Motson are annoying, you don’t know you are born. We have Tommy Smythe, who I can only describe as a geriatric version of that 80’s Irish comic Jimminy Cricket, who commentates like a man who is witnessing his very first game of football.

Home sweet home

2006-03-06T14:31:00.000-08:00

Well the holiday is now over (the traveling part at least). After 2 months of traveling and 5000 miles of road, we have finally arrived at our destination, back in Auckland.

We have spent the last few days looking at rental properties. Looks like with most things here, I have grossly underestimated the cost. We have made a conscious decision to rent for the first year before we buy. The two main reasons for this are 1) the dollar is too strong 2) it takes time to get to know a place.

We have been looking in three very different locations for accommodation. The first is Howick, which has a very villagey feel (like a spread out version of Barnes) and was the place that stood out the most for us when we researched Auckland locations back in the UK. The second location is Titirangi which is in west Auckland out towards the "west coast beaches", home of the ..erm.. westies. This could not be more different to Howick, properties here have a very bush feel to them, the area is incredibly verdant with natural bush everywhere, and at night sat out on the deck you could easily imagine yourself somewhere in the South American jungle. The third location is Beachlands, a seaside town east of Auckland but still easily commutable for Lisa. Beachlands is a lovely coastal town that is in a state of transition, it still has an unspoiled villagey feel to it, but there are many properties currently being built, it remains to be seen whether the character is adversely affected by this.

After seeing about a dozen properties we were starting to get a little dismayed as the quality was poor and the locations unsuitable. Some properties were OK , but lacked that certain something that made you believe that you could live in them. By chance we happened to spot an advert for a little cottage in Whitford, the description sounded very encouraging, but as we had discovered with other visits, just like in the UK the show does not always live up to the billing. We telephoned to make an appointment and went to see it the same day. Whitford is a beautiful part of Auckland, it is essentially country living, most places here are 10 acres or more, and it's where the wealthy go to retire or bring up their families. It is completely out of our price range to buy, and rentals are few and far between, so we went there assuming their would be some sort of catch.

We were told by the owner Wendy that the cottage was at the end of the drive of the main house, and we met her there at an agreed time. As we drove down the drive we saw it, a picturesque wooden cottage with absolutely stunning views, we could not believe our luck. The property is split into 2 parts , the main cottage which is very small and is only really suitable for a couple and a second building which can be used as an office or a guest room. The cottage overlooks fields and farmhouses and native forest. The only drawback is the fact that the cottage is small, but the benefits far outweigh this. As in the UK, good properties are snapped up quickly, so dithering is not advisable, after a quick chat with the gaffer, we decided to take it and signed the forms there and then.

It feels good to have a home after all this travelling....

A fishy tale

2006-02-24T13:39:00.000-08:00

From Napier up to the beautiful Te Urewera National park, which has some absolutely stunning scenery and we have both decided to come back here for maybe a holiday or a long weekend. We stayed in a quaint fisherman’s cottage at Lake Waikaremona motor camp. Probably the best camp we have stayed in in terms of location. The cottage was no more than 5 metres from the lake, and there was fishing and swimming to be had. So we had some. Figuring that it was a good omen to be staying in a fisherman’s cottage, I decided to splash out on a 2 day fresh water fishing license ($36). I have never had much luck with trout fishing - you really need fly fishing gear, no honest – and it didn’t change here. Still, the lake was a stunning place in which to spend valentines, and we quaffed the bottle of Mudhouse pinot noir that we picked up on our drunken wine tour around Blenheim. The wine must have been pretty good as we promised ourselves that we would have an early morning dip in the lake the next day (7am), which was fun at the time but meant that we needed about 3 cups of tea in order to thaw ourselves out.

Up to Gisborne, a lovely city and definitely a candidate place for settling down in (as Auckland is starting to seem very cityish and very expensive).

Up to Ohope, and tried my hand at fishing again. Met a lovely old gentleman from Bolton , I quickly realized he was a member of the "honorary blokes club" and we fished together for several hours like we were long lost buddies. At the end of the night we both went our separate ways. Life is funny.

Now the gaffer and I have not been all that "good" on this trip. We have both noticed that we may be putting on a few extra pounds. Like greedy little hobbits we have been having “second breakfasts” when we have a break during the driving. This extra timber had me slightly concerned when we decided to hire some belly boards to do a bit of "body surfing". As it turns out the surf shop did a one-size-fits-all board and so we decided to give it a go. And what fun it was ! I would definitely recommend this if you have not tried it. It’s fairly easy to get on a wave and travel a short distance, but if you hit the wave just right then the it is very fast and very thrilling.

Back up to Auckland now and we are heading back up to the Bay of Islands where we intend to meet up with Marie and Paresh from the UK (Marie is a midwife who works at St Helier hospital with Lisa in the UK).

I had forgotten how spectacular the top 10 holiday park is at Russell. The view from our cabin is amazing, blue skies, tropical trees and the sea in the distance.

The four of us decided to hire a boat for the day and take it out into the bay. We caught the ferry from Russel to Paihia early in the morning to pick the boat up. None of us has any boating experience (unless pedalos at Skegness Butlins counts ?) and so we all listened intently to the briefing, hoping that if any important – and potentially life saving - piece of info was being conveyed, then maybe one of us would remember it. The weather was absolutely beautiful and we headed straight out of the bay to Robertson Island. We had a brief stay at the island where we had a quick swim and also managed to beach the boat. With a bit of huffing and puffing though we managed to get her back into deeper water. The rest of the day was spent fishing and three very impressive (OK legal sized) snapper were taken from the depths (see piccie). Although the gaffer didn’t manage a keeper, she would like it on record that she did catch the prettiest one (foul-hooked it actually, but what the heck !). By the end of the afternoon the weather had got much worse and my Paihia bomb had started to wear off, and so I was quite pleased when we unanimously agreed to head back. At the campsite Marie gave myself and Paresh a crash course in fish filleting and we skinned and cooked the three snapper, which we ate with some store bought chips and washed down with Speights and Chardonnay.

Does it get any better than this ?

Icebergs to earthquakes

2006-02-14T17:54:00.000-08:00

Spent a few hours at the Antartic centre at Christchurch, pretty standard stuff , and much as you would expect , but the "Antartic storm" is worth a mention. Basically it meant standing in a room wearing artic clothing ( thoughtfully provided) while the room gets very cold and windy for about 60 seconds (temp drops to about -20). Brrrrilliant. Also did the Christchurch to Greymouth Transalpine express (return), allegedly one of the top 10 train trips of all time. It was admittedly very scenic, but - if I may don my best curmudgeonly trousers for a moment - as the trip is 4 hours each way , I would recommend catching a plane back from Greymouth rather than do the same train journey again. For train aficionados - of which there were many on this trip - the return journey was just as good and apparently fascinating as the identical outward one.

From Christchurch up to Kaikoura. A beautiful drive and the weather is glorious again. Kaikoura is a very scenic coastal town, framed by the impressive Seaward Kaikoura range (nb not to be confused with the imaginatively named "Inward Kaikoura" range, which lies behind this range , and is more inland and less sea-facing). The town is famous for its aquatic wildlife, which due to the unique geography of the area, exists in abundance. The beach slopes out gradually to ameters0 metres and then fairly quickly drops off to an impressive 800+ meters. This mixing of warm and cold waters means an abundance of nutrients, and the inevitable food chain that starts with krill and ends with whales. The town is very famous for whales, seals, dolphins etc and the whole tourist industry is geared around viewing them and in some cases getting in the water with these creatures.

Scoffed some of the famous kaikoura crayfish, which although tasty (where's me curmudgeonly trousers gone ?), I would still recommend crab, which has a similar flavour but is much cheaper (in season the crayfish can be nearly $100 per kg)

Visited the Seal colony, and had the usual photo opportunities (see piccies link). There is an outside chance of seeing whales from the shore here, in fact the last time we were here (Jan 2000) we saw a school of orca attack a bunch of seals and one was successfully taken ( the screams that day were really quite unpleasant)

Drove up to Blenheim, which resides in the heart of the Marloborough wine region. The gaffer twisted my arm to take her on a wine tour (suggested fishing, but to no avail..), and so we spent a few hours ambling around the wineries (there are over 50 to choose from). During the first few tastings, I listened in on conversations involving wine people who were obviously in-the-know, in order to try and understand the wines a little better. I gave up after a while. With airy hand gestures they each described the wine, and to the untrained ear, the constant stream of incongruous adjectives appeared to be like a strange version of "Mornington Crescent".

Today is the last full day on the South Island, tomorrow we catch the ferry from Picton back to windy Wellington.

From Wellington and up to Hastings and Napier. These two towns are currently commemorating the 75 anniversary of the earthquake that struck in 1931. The earthquake decimated the towns and left hundreds dead, however a stunning architectural legacy grew from the ashes. Both towns were quickly reconstructed in the fashionable style of the day, Art Deco. This has resulted in two of the finest Art Deco styled towns in the world, and everywhere you look there are beautiful examples of this style, ranging from public toilets up to large banks and municipal buildings.

Something tells me we're not in Kansas anymore

2006-02-06T22:36:00.000-08:00

In the deep south now, and the place definitely has a unique character all of it’s own. The other day we saw a man walking his sheep down the high street, and today we saw an old microwave oven that somebody had simply stuck on the top of a post and was using as a mailbox. To date no kids playing banjos or men in checked shirts talking about “purdy mouths..”.

There are billboard beer ads everywhere, showing beefy looking men wearing cowboy hats and riding tough looking horses. The ads tell you in no uncertain terms that these ‘Southern men’ drink a certain brand of beer, and that only this manly brand can satisfy their heroic thirst. Slowly, they are starting to unsettle me. I am starting to question the validity of my own thirst. Is it a real thirst ? A real man’s thirst ? Or is the fact that I drink that limp-wristed European stuff proof that I have nothing but a foppish girl’s thirst ?

And it’s starting to happen, slowly I am developing a thirst for this beer. Damn those oh so clever ad men....

Driving down the Southern scenic highway and the weather has taken a turn for the worst, we cannot complain though as we have been v. lucky so far. Stopped off at the appropriately named porpoise bay where despite the fact it was blowing a gale and sheeting rain there was still people swimming in the sea. Why ? because the bay is home to a pod of Hector’s dolphins, and these cute and inquisitive creatures will come right up to you if you are in the water. It is well to note though that touching or petting these wonderful creatures is an offence, and although they didn’t realize it , the two fully-clothed tree-huggers that were in the rainy surf today were being closely monitored by a bloke from the DOC.

Drove down to Owaka and have found a real gem of a campsite (Newhaven holiday park). We have just walked down to the beach where we saw several huge sealions basking on the windy beach (see piccie)

Took a hike in the ‘Catlins’ region today. A largely forested area which has some spectacular trails. The place was feared by the Maori as they believed it was inhabited by yeti creatures called Maeroero, similar to the North American Sasquatch. Lots of beautiful trout filled pools along the Catlin river, lucky for them though, didn’t have my rod.

Up to Dunedin now, and the weather just keeps getting worse (although to be fair you don’t go to Dunedin for the weather). Visited penguin place and saw the world’s rarest penguins, yellow-eyed penguins. The people there have built a quite impressive maze of covered trenches and hides that allow you to get very close to the penguins. Also took in a trip to the Cadbury’s factory, a good excuse to get out of the rain and see how chocolate is made. Er..except that we didn’t really get to see very much. The factory is pretty old and unbelievably still uses piped steam in order to run the machinery, the steam supply was broken today and so no chocolate was being made.

A massive drive today. From Dunedin all the way to Akaroa on the beautiful Banks peninsular, a volcanic outcrop southeast of Christchurch. We didn’t have anything booked and decided to book on arrival. Bad move. This weekend is Waitangi day, and the place was heaving, not a single bed in the whole town !! Drove back crestfallen to Christchurch.

An unfortunate series of events

2006-01-29T23:27:00.000-08:00

Have developed a new game on the long drives, “Roadkill poker”.The rules have not yet been completely developed, and the gaffer is not fully on board with the game, but I still feel it has potential. Basically you have to hit existing roadkill with a satisfying thump. A single hit on a fresh roadkill (or a complete miss) is the lowest hand, hitting it with both front and back wheels is a “pair”. A stoat followed by a possum (or vica versus) is a “full-house”, and so on and so forth. Picking up detritus on the wheels, or playing a hand that has already been played umpteen times are both considered poor form. The dream hand , or “royal flush” as I have called it, is a mother possum with a pup in the pouch, which is alive and is crossing the road. It remains to be seen whether I am man enough to play that hand….

After the glaciers down to Wanaka, and the weather is just getting better. Blisteringly hot, and car travel would be most uncomfortable if it were not for our A/C. And although the A/C is heavy on fuel, it’s no more expensive on fuel than leaving your windows open (apparently the drag created by opening windows also affects fuel consumption, no really). Wanaka has become like a Chelsea by the lake since we were last here, houses exchange hands for ridiculous sums - the lake is excellent for families and boating enthusiasts alike, and in the winter some very good skiing is available (apparently). On our arrival I went for a dip in the lake and was staggered at how cold it was, not quite as cold as the unswimmable Tekapo, but still very cold. Our accommodation options were very limited here and we ended up in a v. nice but expensive motel. We spent one more day in Wanaka and went for a walk up Rocky Mountain , where spectacular views of the lake could be seen from the summit, and the gaffer took an unfortunate tumble on the mountain path (skinned knees and bruised pride were the only injuries)

From there down to Queenstown the “extreme activity” centre of NZ. We did plenty of that the last time we were here, and so decided not to stay too long. We stopped off at Kawara bridge for old times sake, this is where bungy jumping started and is still the most famous bungy site in NZ. People from all over the world come here to pay money for the privilege of throwing themselves from the 130 year old bridge. And although the site is much bigger and much more commercial than the last time we were here (business was brisk this day also), an excellent viewing platform gives a clear view of the only line in the world where no known queue-jumping has occurred.

We stopped off in Q’town to pick up lunch only, the town has become far too big and noisy for it’s own good, which is a shame because it is in a very beautiful location. From Queenstown, down to Lake Te Anau , a long drive (2 pairs and a full-house) and on our arrival we decided to go immediately to the beach for a cooling swim. Tragedy struck the gaffer again as she managed to scoop up a bee in her sandal, which responded by stinging her. I carefully removed the stinger from her foot, and she bravely hobbled back to the car, and we drove down to the beach.

You would have thought with the mountain tumble and the bee that my wife had been through enough, but there was still more to come. I decided to nip back to the campsite to make a flask of tea and left Lisa by the lake. When I came back , as I pulled the car up I couldn’t help but notice this old guy, who, well, it’s hard to describe really , but he was about 75 walked with a walking stick and wore nothing but a hat, some plimsolls and what can only be described as a pair of bikini bottoms that he must have stolen from a 10 year old. His old and wrinkled bottom spilled out of the back of his “swimwear”, and I thanked the lord I only caught a glimpse from the back. The gaffer was not so lucky. She looked a bit white and shaken when I arrived, apparently the old guy had come over for a chat, and his makeshift trunks apparantly covered even less at the front then they did at the back. We both assumed that this was just a lonely old man with no fashion sense, but did think it odd that he only had “chats” with single women on the beach.

The next day and a boat ride down Milford Sound, I took only a few photos, because they really do not do it justice. It’s actually a fjord, and not a sound as such (if you really care, look up the difference on google). It is a spectacular stretch of water leading down to the sea, and the steep sides reach up 1000’s of meters and reach just as steeply down to the ocean bottom. If you ever come to NZ, you must visit this place. We went for a swim later that day, and saw our friendly smiling flasher again (please God, make the bad man stop!). That night we went out for a meal and unbelievably Lisa bumped in to someone she knows ! A lovely woman called Marion who was a Samaritan in Surbiton with Lisa, and was on a 3 week holiday in NZ.

We are currently in Invercargill - arrived via the spectacular “Southern scenic highway”. Invercargill is a notoriously wet and blustery place, and if the weather had not been so good recently, we probably would not have bothered. Invercargill is a unique place, very Scottish in nature (has historical links with Scotland), and is the Southernmost city of NZ. It also has a few cultural oases, the Anderson gallery (see piccie) which was well worth a visit and the Southlands museum, both free and both very well presented.

We have gone as far south as we can now, (unless we want to go to Stewart Island ), from here on in we will be heading north……

Bridges that go too far

2006-01-24T22:20:00.000-08:00

After the Abel Tasman we drove up to Collingwood, where we thought we would see more of the same. Alas, no. We got caught in a horrendous rainstorm and spent the rest of the day in a motel. The rain was quite unbelievable. Picture one of those London summer storms where the rain comes after a really hot day and hammers the pavement like little nails, now picture that going on for 5 hours. Noticed that the drainage in Collingwood was v. beefed up, these people know rain.

We decided the next day to drive straight down to Nelson Lakes National park, and found that the guide-book does do it a huge disservice. In “Lonely Plant” the park is very quickly passed over in favour of other delights, but we found it an absolute gem. Lake Rotoiti, is a beautiful expanse of water, clean , clear and a great temperature (unlike many of the glacial lakes such as Tekapo, which are too cold to swim in). The weather had picked up from the previous day, and as it was pretty hot, a cool swim was just the thing. The next day we went up Mount Robert for a 5.5 hour hike (building up to that Milford Track walk !). It was absolutely exhausting, but the views were sumptuous, very Lord of The Rings, we half expected Legolas or Gimli to come bounding across the peaks.

I have to mention the NZ single lane road bridges at this point. They have some in the North Island , but they are becoming more frequent and more alarming the further down the South Island we travel. A quick explanation, one end has a give way sign so you know who has right of way (also if you are on the bridge , you have right of way), you have plenty of road signs and the road is fairly straight so you can see way ahead of you. Fairly reasonable, except that they are not always that straight forward, yesterday for instance I had rather a challenging one , a long bridge (400 meters ) with the road leading up to it on the far end invisible around a bend, and the road shared the bridge with a rail track, which ran straight down the middle.

Slowly moving down the west coast….

Good to see that the honorary blokes club transcends international borders and is alive and well in NZ. One of the great (few) things about being a bloke is that if you see another bloke doing something blokey, fixing his lawnmower for instance or mending his car , it is understood that you can walk up and start discussing the job in hand and then generally move on to talk about anything blokey. Yesterday I was cleaning the sand out of my reel after an afternoon of surfcasting on Hokitiki beach - A Shimano ‘BaitRunner’ since you ask, 6500B , a big improvement on the 5000…. – and about four guys struck up a conversation with me at separate times, all bloke club members. I met one old chap from Ohio who spent 5 months of the year in NZ. After a few minutes conversation I rapidly realized that he was going to be a difficult one to shake. He talked of his cars, his reels, his previous fishing trips, his dad’s brass reels, his previous jobs, his brother’s reels and so on and so forth, and as his eyes glazed over as he told me his well polished stories, I realized that - as is often the case - the pleasure was all in the telling.

Down in glacier country now, Franz Josef today and Fox tomorrow and the weather is absoloutely glorious. The last time we came here (Jan 2000) the weather was so bad that we drove all the way over to the other coast just to try and get dry.

We have just walked up to the face of the FJ glacier today, very impressive and tomorrow we plan to walk on the Fox glacier (an organized walk, not a random jaunt)

Interesting fact about glaciers, they always advance and never retreat, but sometimes the ice melts faster than the actual advancement and so the glacier appears to be moving back up the mountain (as usual my crackpot titbits of trivia are worth exactly what you paid me for them…)

Politics,long hikes and nudity

2006-01-18T14:11:00.000-08:00

A man walks into the doctor's regarding a spot on his forehead. "Incredible" says the doctor, "I read about this in medical school but this is the first one I have actually seen". "What is it?" says the man, alarmed. "In 2 weeks you will have a fully formed penis where that spot is" says the doctor. "Oh my God" says the patient "can you remove it?". "No, I am afraid not " says the doctor, "You see it is connected directly to your brain". A brief silence, followed by a cowed voice, "So what you are telling me doctor, is that in 2 weeks whenever I look in the mirror I will see a fully grown penis in the middle of my forehead ?". "Oh no..." , says the doctor, "You won't actually see it..", "oh " says the patient , with some audible relief "No.." continues the doctor "the balls will cover your eyes..."

Apologies to everyone for retelling that old gag. There is a point, honest. I heard that particular oldie but goodie, on a radio station in Wellington, told by a famous american jewish comedian (his name escapes me), the Kiwi audience lapped it up. And it did give legs to the rumour that NZ has a similar sense of humour to ours. Other similarities have been noted this week, but more of that later.

Spent Sunday in windy Wellington, and took a fascinating tour around the parliament buildings. Our tour guide was both officious and enthusiastic (as they often are), and did an excellent job in introducing us to the cradle of NZ democracy. The legal and political systems are based very much on the British model, although they have now changed over to MMP mixed member-proportional representation, similar to the German system. We learned several other things. That Charles Statham, a giant in NZ politics, shared two things with my wife, a surname, and the fact that people manage to repeatedly mangle it's pronunciation (Lisa collared the tour guide at the end and set the record straight).

Another interesting fact that I discovered was that NZ ended up embroiled in the Vietnam war , I knew that the Aussies had been roped in to this, but was unaware that the Kiwis had also been involved.

Also learnt that NZ used to have a second chamber but abolished it because it's occupants were "elected" through a long abused system of appointments by nepotism and cronyism (sound familiar ?), and that also (again familiarly) that the politicians take an extended "recess" running into months, whilst us non-political folk can make do with 15 days statutory holidays a year.

Caught the ferry from the North to the South Island. A 3 hour trip in all, though as the crow flies it seems an insignificant distance, rumours about a tunnel or bridge are sketchy.

We are staying the night at "Mapua leisure park", which has the dubious honour of being "Nz's first clothes-optional leisure park" (they are planning more ?). Fortunately for us that does not start until February (their are stern warnings in the camp grounds). It's just as well really , because although my experience of this is scant - limited to accidentally stumbling onto nudist beaches in Scandinavia and the lowlands - it's never as exciting as you think it's going to be. Rather than being surrounded by nubile young body-beautifuls the reality of it is a lot different. It tends to be German pensioners either shocking you by jaunting around in the buff, or by their garish taste in knitwear, in either case from a distance all you can discern is that whatever they are wearing, it badly needs ironing.

Up in Abel Tasman National park now. Very beautiful. Just completed a 4 hour hike and both of us have pretty tired legs, I am sat here now typing up my blog and have perked up a little since necking a couple of cans of speights. The National park is very impressive, mile after mile of paradise like coves and beaches, inaccessible by road, but easily accessible to trampers and kayakers. There is a very impressive water taxi service that takes you up around the coast into the national park where you can spend the day on the beach (they will pick you up later), or you can kayak, or you can do what we chose to do which is to walk back to civilization. The whole walkable track is about 60 clicks, which you can do in 3 days, the DOC provide cabin facilities, but you have too book in advance (they get very booked up in the summer). We don't feel quite ready for a 3 day hike yet. But we are toying with the idea of maybe doing the Milford track, assuming their is cabin availability. I will keep you posted on that score.....

Heading South

2006-01-13T13:09:00.000-08:00

Moving slowly down the North Island now. And slowly picking up the lingo, a few choice phrases thrown in when conversing with a kiwi always goes a long way. "Good on yer.." for instance, from what I can make out can be said in reply to virtually anything said by a new aquaintance. eg "Yep I just bought a new 20 foot fishing boat" could be answered with "Good on yer", but equally "where are you going today ?" followed with a response of "the bank, and then to the video store" could then legitametly also receive the reply "Yeah ? good on yer...".

Down to Tauranga and up Mount Maunganui. A very impressive view from the top, and a good work-out for my vertigo. Got quite sunburnt on the walk, despite being quite careful and not at all like my old cavalier self. I won't say "same sun as we get back home" in a Sid the sexist on holiday in "Mijorka" sort of way, cause actually NZ has quite unique weather. That is to say, when the sun comes out , it is hot, v.hot and you can pretty much feel yourself starting to burn. But, when the sun goes behind a cloud, it's not just that it gets cooler (obviously), but it actually gets quite chilly, which means you find yourself repeatedly taking layers off and then putting them back on again.

I wanted to start a "things NZ does well, and things they don't" thread, that I will chuck in every now and then. Just things that I have noticed which seem to be done better in Blighty than they are over here (Nb no criticism of my newly adopted country is intended, I mention them on the off-chance that they may be of interest).

1) Sausages - don't do well. Suprising really for a country that produces so much meat
2) Campsites - very good. The better ones probably as good as Scandinavia
3) Litter - not good. This also comes as a big surprise, for such a beautiful country they seem to have quite a cavalier attitude to litter. Bizarrely the towns are often clean, but the beauty spots often have litter.
4) Customer service - very good. A breath of fresh air compared to the UK. People seem genuinely friendly and grumpy dispositions and poor service are very much the exception.

Spent a day at Lake Taupo, NZ's largest lake (357m above sea level and 606 sq kilometers, since you ask). A blisteringly hot day, and went swimming to soothe my poor sunburnt back (see piccy). May try trout fishing on the lake on the journey back.

Lake Taupo allegedly holds 5 million fish (I think this must be an estimate, surely counting them all would be impractical). Although they are not native to the lake, they have all come from a single batch of Russian eggs some time in the 1870's.
This is a rare example of an introduced species that has been a success story. During our very enjoyable - albeit expensive - trip to the "Kiwi experience" at Rotorua we discovered that the Kiwi bird would be pretty much extinct if left to it's own devices, and all because of other, less savoury, non-indiginous critters.
Firstly the bird itself, quite remarkable nay freakish, it is very much like a mammal and among the stranger things about it is that it lays an egg about a 3rd of it's body weight (see pic). This oddity of nature has suffered at the hands
of possums, ferrets, rats and stoats (all introduced), and only human intervention has prevented it's almost certain extinction on mainland NZ.

So as the DOC (department of conversation) would say, if you see a possum in the road and a car has winged it, don't drive around it, do the patriotic thing - speed up and finish the sucker off....

"Good on yer..."

Got a new motor ?

2006-01-08T13:30:00.000-08:00

We have spent the last few days looking to buy a new car. We had originally planned to hire a campervan for the next 7 weeks to pootle around the rest of the North Island and the South Island, but we have changed our minds. We have decided to buy a new car (which we need anyway), and instead use that to carry on with our travels and stay in cabins at various campsites.

I must say the second hand car dealers are much more pleasant than their UK counterparts. No sheepskin coat, no sucking of air through teeth when you suggest a price, and best of all they are not nearly as pushy as they are in the UK. They allow you to wander through the lot to browse at your own pace, and many do not approach you unless you make the first move. Quite refreshing. Not to say that they are pushovers, far from it, we have just had 2 days of wrangling (at one point I called the whole deal off in a stunnning fit of Betty Davis type pique ) and we have finally managed to secure the car we wanted. Not that you are interested, but it is a Hyundai Getz, a reliable little run around for Lisa for work (I am assured that we will be buying my souped up monster pick up truck at some point in the future).

Interesting thing about car insurance in NZ, it's not compulsory. Which at first seems crazy , but the more i think about it, the more i think that there is a bizarre kind of logic and natural justice to it. If you are involved in an accident and you are insured , the insurance company pays for it (regardless of fault). If you are not insured , you have to try and establish who is at fault (get witnesses etc) and try to sue the other person for the money. A better system ? Still thinking about that one.

The Bay of Islands

2006-01-02T14:03:00.000-08:00

A place everyone should visit before they are pushing up the daisies, the bay of islands is the jewel in the crown of the North Island. We have just spent a few wonderful days in Russell (actually the original capital of New Zealand) , idling our time swimming , walking and fishing and had a wonderful day out on the tall ship the R Tucker Thompson.

We are still adjusting to the slower pace of life in NZ, and the BOI is probably slow even by NZ standards ( and part of it's charm). Bought some decent fishing equipment (for a change !) in Paihia, also well worth a visit, not so much for the town itself but for a visit to the Waitangi treaty grounds, which explains how the country came to be formed in 1840 in the signing of a treaty between the Maori and the British. Drove further up the BOI to Kerikeri and stayed in the luxurious B and B Kingfisher retreat, run by a British couple in a wonderful house that they built themselves. Kerikeri did little to allay our fears that NZ is at the top end of a property boom, typical properties that we remembered as been very reasonable 6 years ago are now demanding astronomical prices. Seems very similar to the property boom that we saw in the UK in the 90's, it may be some time before we buy, although there are plenty of naysayers declaring that the property boom and the state of the artificially strong kiwi dollar cannot continue. We'll see.

We have traveled further up the coast now to the beautiful 90 mile beach , we had pre-booked to stay in a caravan in a campsite, we knew that it may not be up to much as it was a busy time of year. And it wasn't, a mildewy , damp and smelly caravan that belonged in a dump rather than a campsite. Lisa tried to pretend it wasn't that bad (she booked it). In fact it was so bad, I asked them to give us something else, which they did, a much nicer and newer cabin (as my friend Shirley always says "the squeakiest wheel will always get the oil").

January 3rd, on the way in to town from the main "highway" (picture a 2 lane motorway) I was going too fast , and the cops pulled me over. No really. A polite, yet officous looking policewoman gave me an 80 dollar ticket, and to add insult to injury a 55 dollar extra fine for not having my driving license in the car. I could tell from the steely look in her eye, that just like the UK this kind of job seems to attract the sort of people who enjoy doing it. No quarter was asked and none was given. But you know, it's really not the 135 dollars (53 pounds) that galls me , or the lack of compassion or the fact that I was only 13 km's over the speed limit. It was more that I have never had any form of traffic violation ever in the UK, and in less than 10 days in NZ I have had my first speeding penalty. Is this the start of my descent into crime in my newly adopted home ?

Probably the best airline in the world...

2005-12-24T01:05:00.000-08:00

A quick note to praise anything Singapore. Firstly the airline, one word, superb. I don't do long haul that often and only ever economy, but that said, the service was first class. Singapore Airlines seemed to me to follow a rather unusual ethos of providing a customer-focused service. They seemed to have latched onto this notion that taking a customers money is only half of the transaction, the other half being to provide a good a service as possible in return (British companies you may wish to scan that last sentence a few times). According to the legroom page, they were nothing special (and for economy you are never going to get that much), but they to have a few crucial extra centimeters that meant the difference in being able to push your legs under the seat in front, rather than keeping them bent up to your chin. Food, pretty good - for airplane food - and was even approved by Gordon Ramsey, no really. But the jewel in the SA crown has to be the in flight enterntainment. When I first saw the brochure on the plane, i thought it was a mistake, a leaflet that had somehow traveled from first class to taunt the scrotes at the back of the plane. Over 100 on demand films and loads of your favourite TV shows. But if films and TV not your bag, then how about computer games ? No, well, then there's card games, chess checkers, mahjong, against the computer or against someone else sat on the plane. Not to mention roulette, blackjack etc. It's a perfect example of a technology that is ideally suited for a particular situation ie fun things to do when you have a lot of dead time on your hands. Not rocket science, is it ?

And then Singapore itself, never been before, would definitely go back. Only there for a few days, so my opinions (as always) are only worth what you paid me for them. Reasonably priced, warm (OK very humid), very clean, and the people are friendly (except the bloke who ripped me off in one of those bicycle cum rickshaw thingies). Lots of fantastic opportunities to eat lots of different foods, and unlike a lot of places there is little chance of getting a dicky tum (the country's food hygiene laws are pretty stringent). We ate from both street hawkers and restaurants, without so much as a dose of indigestion. The food was cheap also, and we usually managed to have lunch for under $12 (about 4 of your shiny English pound coins). Towards the end we saw the Americanesque shopping mall culture of Singapore, shopping cathedrals with mile after mile of pointless shops selling pointless tat to people with too much money in their pockets, which wasn't quite as nice as trips around the Chinese temples or leisurely drinking tea in a Chinese teahouse. But to be fair, it has been the deliberate embrace of capitalism by the Singapore government that has lifted it's citizens out of abject poverty and into the high standard of living that they enjoy today, as well as making it much more accessible to foreigners like me.